You Don't Know Jack
by technotreegrass
Summary: Written for 12 Days of Jashi - Day 12 Gift Giving. Jack needs a Christmas gift for Ashi. Too bad his demonic father-in-law wishes to come along and spoils everything. Based on a real incident witnessed in a department store.


Author's Note: Written for The 12 Days of Jashi - Day 12 Gift Giving. Based on a real event witnessed in a department store around Christmas, and encouraged by orenashii to turn it into a fic. Thanks to orenashii and Turquoise Fox for dialogue suggestions that ended up word for word in the fic. Merry Christmas and Happy December 25th to everyone!

* * *

If it's too good to be true, it usually is. Jack thought he was the luckiest man in the world to earn the heart of such a wonderful woman as Ashi. He couldn't imagine anyone more suited for him, but was it too much to ask for better in-laws? Growing up as an only child that his parents doted on, it was quite a shock to suddenly have six sister-in-laws. Their attitude toward him varied, but compared to their parents, they were heavenly to deal with.

Azula, the mother, was cold and standoffish. She never approved of their relationship, but she at least kept quiet about it. Aku, her father, loved being vocal about his displeasure over his son-in-law, voicing his opinion every chance he could. It was a miracle that their wedding day was surprisingly peaceful, what with Aku scowling in the corner and his best friend, the Scotsman, eager to jump to Jack's defense. Now, their first Christmas as husband and wife, Jack prayed for a Christmas miracle: he and Aku getting along for Ashi's sake. It wasn't happening.

A few days before Christmas, Jack and Aku were in a crowded department store. Jack had already bought her a gift months before, patting himself on the back for being smart, but he decided there was no harm in spoiling her with another item. Yesterday, his heart broke as he wrapped her bloody knuckles, her old sparring gloves finally giving way as she pounded the punching bag in their basement gym. She didn't want to experience the Christmas rush and vowed to wait until January to replace them. What better way to surprise her then by presenting her with a new pair? Aku heard of his plans and, not wishing to be one upped, volunteered to go with him. They bit their tongues and made nice as Ashi was ecstatic to see them both _finally_ getting along, but all that goodwill evaporated as soon as they pulled out of the driveway. Jack's vehicle, how he drove, the house he owned, even his choice of Christmas decorations, were called into question. "How can you call yourself worthy to be my sweetheart's husband?" Jack gripped the steering wheel, focusing on the road ahead of him, refusing to answer. He prided himself on being an excellent boyfriend, and now husband, for her.

Some sadistic store planner made it so anyone who wished to go to the sporting goods section had to walk through all the woman's departments. "You're buying her lingerie, in front of her father? You're _sick."_ Aku jeered though Jack walked past that section without so much of a glance at the racks or the mannequins.

"Hey, hey! Where are you going?" Aku loudly demanded, stopping Jack's determined march to buy the gloves and get out as quickly as possible. He looked behind him, seeing his impatient father-in-law standing beside a jewelry case.

"Ashi rarely wears jewelry," he stated matter-of-factly. "I was heading to the sporting goods section to get her a new pair of sparring gloves. Her current pair is disintegrating on her."

"Sparring gloves? What kind of gift is _that_ for a lady?"

"She boxes at least three times a week. I have seen her wear jewelry three times this past year."

"What are you trying to say, that my daughter is more man then woman? _Hmm?"_ He challenged, ignoring the small crowd that was warily watching them both

 _You are the one who encouraged all your daughters to learn how to fight and protect themselves._ "I am her husband and I know what she likes best," he asserted.

"Well I'm her _father_ and you don't know jack shit!" He paused to chuckle at his own joke, ignoring the fire in his son-in-law's eyes. "Get it, _jack_ shi—" He was interrupted by a punch to the face. "Why you…" he threw a punch but Jack dodged, and again punched his father-in-law in the face.

"If you do not know Ashi, then you do not know _Jack,"_ he retorted, and punched him again; his patience having finally worn thin. "I love your daughter. I have made it my life's mission to honor her, respect her, and let her know nothing but joy!"

"I don't like you, _boy,_ plain and simple!" Aku replied, faking a punch to the face, and then landing a blow on the stomach. "You will never be good enough for my Ashi!"

"Fight, fight, fight, fight!" The crowd cheered, as if they were all children in the school yard, and more than a few phones were out, capturing the moment forever.

"Break it up! Break it up, I said!" Security shouted over the crowd, getting between the two combatants. Jack glared at the skinny little man before him. He was no threat; it would be so easy to shove him to the side and keep going, but there was no honor in fighting the rightful authority, and Jack surrendered. "Get out of here before I call the police! Don't let me catch either of you in here again!"

The two men scowled at each other as they were escorted out of the building. "I suggest you leave as quickly as possible," the security men warned, glaring the two down.

"Temper, temper, Jack," Aku teased. "Does Ashi know about your violent streak? If I ever catch her bruised-"

 _"Shut it,"_ Jack growled, ready for round 2. A night in jail would be worth it if it meant punishing Aku for even daring to suggest he would _ever_ harm his wife. "Call a cab or something. I am _not_ driving you home."

"Call quick before I get you a police escort," security suggested. "I am not playing games."

"I heard you the first time!" Jack shouted, and threw a $20 bill on the ground, "for your cab." He didn't even bother to look if Aku picked it up. Just got into his car and drove off, not stopping or even bothering to think until he reached his favorite coffee shop, ordering green tea through the drive-thru, a rarity for him. Leaning back in his seat, he let the soothing effects of the drink wash over him, surrendering to the calm. By the time he had finished his cup, he almost felt like his normal self again.

His fingers tapped his phone screen a few times, and soon the sound of a ringing phone blared through his car speakers.

"Jackie boy," The Scotsman answered in a jovial tone.

"Scotsman, my old friend, may I ask a favor of you?"

"Anything, laddie. Tis the season, after all."

"Indeed," _and at this rate, I will choke down haggis if it means accomplishing what I want._ "Could you please pick up a pair of ladies sparring gloves for me? There has been a bit of a… incident, and I am unable to get them myself."

"An 'incident?' Is that what ye call it?" The Scotsman roared with laughter. "I call it karma served on a platter."

Jack's heart stopped for a moment. "What are you talking about?"

"'If you don't know Ashi, then you don't know _Jack,"_ the Scotsman repeated. Despite the toasty temperature, Jack's whole body went cold. "It's only been 15 minutes, but views are skyrocketing into the thousands."

 _"Shit,_ Ashi cannot know what happened!"

"Ooh! Losing your temper, losing your mindful tongue, what's next, ye forget the condom and there's a wee _bairn_ on the way?"

"This is not a laughing matter! My first Christmas as husband and wife and I gave my father-in-law a black eye, and now it's gone viral on social media."

"Hashtag You Don't Know Jack, if you want to see it for yourself."

 _"Not helping, Fergus!"_

"Whoa now! No need to lose yer senses, _Shinjiro!_ "

Jack took a few calming breaths. "I am sorry, it has been very stressful dealing with _that man."_

"Dinna worry, lad. I'll grab your lady's gift for ye, and I'll stop by later tonight to drop it off."

"Thank you kindly, my friend."

* * *

If a Christmas miracle wouldn't let Jack get along with Aku, at least it prevented Ashi from finding out about the incident at the store. Aku took Jack's money to pay for a cab back to his own house, and nothing was said about his absence. Christmas Day would be split between their families, but Christmas Eve was theirs alone. They made the most of it with a large dinner that they made together, sharing laughter and happy anecdotes. Jack sent his wife to the living room while he did the dishes, refusing her request to help him. With the dishwasher humming as it scrubbed its contents, Jack pulled the gloves, already wrapped, from its hiding spot in the back of the cabinet, and held it behind his back as he entered the living room.

"Merry Christmas, Ashi," he warmly said, as he gave her the box.

She looked at him in confusion. "I thought we were exchanging gifts tomorrow morning."

"We are, but this is something extra. Please, open it."

She obeyed and smiled widely as she unwrapped the box and pulled out the sparring gloves. "Oh Jack, they're perfect," she exclaimed as she put them on, throwing a few practice punches in front of her. "I hope they were worth all the trouble," she said as she threw a punch at his face, stopping just before she hit his eye.

Jack paled. _She didn't, did she?_ "No trouble at all," he lied, feeling sweat bead up on the back of his neck.

"Well I know myself, and therefore I should know _Jack,"_ she said, enjoying her husband's calm demeanor being replaced with anxiety with every word.

"Your father told you then?" He admitted defeat, hanging his head in shame.

"I saw the video, but he denies everything. Is 'jack shit' a trigger for you or something? I've never seen you lose your temper like that."

"No. My patience was already wearing thin, but being accused of not knowing you, when I've been with you for six years now, something in me just snapped. Ashi, I try, try, and try again with your father, but I cannot stand it when he accuses me of being a poor fit for you." He smiled weakly as he brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead, resting his hand gently against her cheek. "I have dedicated myself to be the best man you could ever ask for. I wish he could see it."

"So do I, but you _are_ the best man I could ever ask for. I love you, Jack."

"I love you too, Ashi," he accentuated his declaration with a kiss, "and I will continue to be that man until my dying breath."

"Just as I will be the best woman you could ever ask for," she promised, stealing a kiss. "Merry Christmas, Jack."

"Merry Christmas, Ashi," he smiled as he pulled her into his arms. Tomorrow they would have to deal with her family, but tonight, it was just them, all they needed in this world.


End file.
